Chapter 4: Ideal Relationships

C H A P T E R 4

Ideal Relationships

Bruce Brooks is a versatile and prolific award-winning author who has written 11 books -- 5 novels and 6 non-fiction -- in 10 years. He has won the national Newbery Honor for two of his children's books, and he recently completed a sports biography and a collection of essays on fatherhood. Bruce travels throughout the country, giving several hundred presentations a year, to children, teachers, librarians, and parents, on reading and writing -- how to use literature in education and for personal enrichment.

Bruce's wife, Penelope, is an accomplished artist, housewife, and mother of their 10-year-old son, Alex, and their 16-month-old son, Spencer. Penelope does three-dimensional art work in sculpture and lighting, and for several years she taught art and was assistant art director at the Jewish Community Center in the Greater Washington, D.C. area.

Bruce and Penelope have been married 16 years. They live in Silver Spring, Maryland.

Bruce: "I remember the introductory lecture that I attended on Transcendental Meditation. The teacher said, 'When two people come together and both expect to get, then neither receives. When two people come together and both are ready to give, then both receive.'

"Transcendental Meditation allows you to discover just how vast an amount you have to give. You become more secure in yourself by discovering how big you really are; that, in fact, you are infinite. You can give and give and give and you will never exhaust yourself. In my experience that is the secret of relationships, and that has been the secret to raising our children -- the capacity for complete giving. And just as you practice Transcendental Meditation as the basis for action, for bringing more of yourself into your work, so, too, in a relationship, you meditate as the basis for bringing more of yourself into the relationship. Only by giving more will you receive more."

Penelope: "Transcendental Meditation has allowed me to experience the depth of love that's within me. It has allowed me to become more aware of my own feelings, desires, and needs, so that I am able to relate more clearly to the feelings, desires, and needs of others. You can only relate to other people -- your husband, your children, your friends -- based on how you relate to yourself. If you have love in your heart, but your love is buried under stress, it's lost. Since I've been practicing Transcendental Meditation, I've found that love has become a continuum in my life -- and not just on certain days, like holidays or birthdays. The love within me comes up and supports me and my activities all the time."

Bruce: "Marriage and raising children have gotten easier and easier because we are meditating and growing toward enlightenment."

"A strong mind is tolerant; a weak mind is easily overcome by the surroundings." -- Maharishi

The World Is as You Are

It's a common experience: One morning you wake up as tired as when you went to sleep. The day moves slowly; complications arise; problems seem to be overwhelming. You feel worried; relationships suffer.

But the next morning, after a deep sleep, you feel fresh and alert. The circumstances of the previous day may remain the same, but your evaluation of them differs dramatically. You are more relaxed, yet more energetic, more productive. Relationships are smoother, more harmonious.

Why the difference? Basically, it's because the world is as you are. Put on green glasses and everything appears green. Put on yellow glasses and everything is yellow. Look through tired eyes with an anxious mind and your vision is clouded with problems, many of which, in reality, may not exist.

Look through fresh eyes with an alert, creative mind and you are better able to see solutions to the problems that do exist. When you are rested and fresh, you have the stability, adaptability, energy and intelligence to solve problems and make improvements in all areas of your life.

What's needed? A fully developed consciousness.

Good Social Behavior

In his book Science of Being and Art of Living, Maharishi writes, "Really good social behavior between people will only be possible when their awareness is broadened, when they are able to see the whole situation, to understand each other more thoroughly, to be aware of each other's need and attempt to fulfill that need. This naturally necessitates a fully developed consciousness, a right sense of judgement, and all the qualities that only a strong and clear mind possesses."

And without this developed consciousness?

"Small minds always fail to perceive the whole situation and in their narrow vision create imaginary obstacles that are neither useful to themselves nor to anyone else," Maharishi writes. "Then their behavior towards others only results in misunderstanding and increase of tension."

Relationships Thrive on Giving

It's also a common experience that relationships thrive on giving. At home it's the father giving time and attention to his children. At work it's the manager giving enough supervision and support to the sales staff.

But we can only give from what we have. The father who returns home from work exhausted can hardly give his children the love and help they need. Likewise, the manager who is anxious and short-tempered can hardly give the necessary patience and insight to properly train his staff.

What is the solution?

Transcendental Meditation and Relationships

It's a matter of common sense to understand how Maharishi's Transcendental Meditation can improve relationships.

If you're able to think more clearly, you'll be better able to properly evaluate situations and circumstances as they arise. With broader vision you'll be naturally more understanding and patient.

Because you have an effective way to eliminate stress and develop your own unlimited potential, you'll be more fulfilled within yourself, and you won't suffer from the build-up of tension and fatigue. The result? More happiness, less worry, more energy, and a fuller heart. Relationships spontaneously improve, and life naturally becomes much more enjoyable, much more satisfying.

Ralph and Dian Gumpf have been married for 38 years. Ralph and Dian and their two grown daughters, Sara and Julie, learned Transcendental Meditation in Madison, Wisconsin. Ralph is a learning coordinator at Black Hawk Middle School in Madison; Dian is a homemaker; Sara is married and has gone back to college; and Julie is a senior at the University of Wisconsin, majoring in wildlife ecology. The Gumpfs have been meditating for one year.

Dian: "Right after learning Transcendental Meditation, I noticed that we were able to communicate better with each other -- the edges of things were softer. We've always had a good time together as a family, but now we're more open with each other; we're able to say more things to each other."

Julie: "I used to be so negative, especially coming out of my teenage years. Interacting with friends, we didn't have anything to talk about unless it was, 'Life is terrible.' I am a lot more positive now -- less judgemental and more patient with people. Studying goes more quickly now, too. I absorb more information a lot faster. And when I go into a test and don't know the information right away, I don't freeze up as I used to. I can sit back and think it through. That's something new for me. It's been very easy to find time to meditate at school. There have been many times when I've postponed studying for 20 minutes -- even though I had a test the next day -- so I could meditate. I would never miss it, because it helps me so much."

Ralph: "I think the interactions with my wife and daughters are much better, much easier, since we've been meditating. We always had a good relationship, but now we are able to tell each other things that are accepted in a more positive way. In addition, my physical check-up was better. My blood pressure always used to run a little high, but this year it was down, and I hadn't taken any medication for it."

Dian: "I was always the anxious type. I had this free-floating anxiety, butterflies in my stomach. The first thing I noticed after learning Transcendental Meditation was that the anxiety left. I am much calmer now. I've also seen definite changes in my husband. He has a very stressful job. There's quite a bit of difference in him now when he comes home from work. He's more relaxed; he's a lot easier around the house. And I also think he has a lot easier time at work.

"We look forward to life more each day. We see fewer things as problems. We have a growing sense of 'We can handle this, whatever comes along.'"

"I am comfortable and secure within myself, no matter what is happening around me, and because of that my effectiveness has multipled many times. There is no amount of money for which I would give up all I have gained from this remarkably simple practice. It is a priceless treasure."

-- Jonathon D. Levy, Assistant Dean, School of Industrial and Labor Relations, Cornell University, Ithaca, New York.

"Substance abuse disorders are no longer a black or Hispanic or poor problem. They are now everyone's problem. You can go to the best university campuses in this country, and you will find a large percentage of kids strung out on alcohol and drugs. That's a fact. It's a nationwide disaster. The very fabric of what constitutes the future of any society, which is the integrated mental and physical health of all its members -- especially its youth -- it is actually being torn to pieces right now from coast to coast.

"As someone who has treated thousands of people who have suffered from the disease of substance abuse, I cannot make a stronger recommendation than this: The government should research Transcendental Meditation, understand it, and put it into practice

immediately as part of a relapse prevention program. Society cannot afford to overlook the power that Transcendental Meditation can bring for healing the horrible disease that now plagues us -- violence and drug abuse. Transcendental Meditation is easy to learn, effective, and cost effective, and the time has come for it to be used and understood."

-- Marcelino Cruces, LICSW, has supervised substance-abuse treatment programs for over 15 years in Washington, D.C. and Los Angeles. He has served as a consultant for the development of protocols for the treatment of alcohol, drug abuse, and mental health disorders for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the U.S. State Department. He is a member of the District of Columbia Mayor's Advisory Committee on Drug Abuse and is chief administrator for the Coalition of Latino Community-Based Organizations and clinical director of the Salud Health Center in the District of Columbia.

The following charts are just a few of the research studies on the effects of Transcendental Meditation for reducing anxiety, increasing self-esteem and self-actualization, as well as for reducing substance abuse.

Reduced Anxiety
Increased Self-Actualization
Increased Strength of Self-Concept
Decreased Cigarette, Alcohol, and Drug Abuse

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